Along for the ride:

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lovliest of Trees- Who am I Kidding?

Lovliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.
Now, of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.
And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.
by A. E. Housman
I have long taken to heart the message in this poem. It is a message to live by. Not only should we appreciate the beauty around us, but we should do it today. Make the most of every moment, because time is relentless. Since my fiftieth spring has come and gone, the math of the second verse is reversed for me. There is some sense of urgency here!
My little self-pitying bout with bronchitis, following immediately upon my fiftieth birthday and all kinds of ruminations about change and new beginnings has had me sitting numbly in an armchair in front of my television just waiting for it to be late enough to put myself to bed. I went to the doctor yesterday, although I can tell I am somewhat on the path to recovery. I would have been so thrilled if he told me I needed to be admitted and make no effort or decisions for a few days. Dehydrated was the verdict. Serendipitously, yesterday was water delivery day at my house. I drank, I felt better.
My newly hydrated brain has still been worrying away at life's dissatisfactions, until I realized that I am in the grips of a self-defeating rythmn of whining and making excuses. I am rather good at kicking other malingerers in the behind and motivating all and sundry to "just do it". I should have looked in my own mirror way before now.


  1. There are many things that you feel, think, and worry about that will not be written about in your blog--that can't be written about in your blog. The exact same thing is true for me, I promise you.

    Nevertheless, in the spirit of symbiosis between thought and physical manifestation, I am sure that, as you regain your strength over the next week, and as the new month begins, you can take a steno-book and, at the very least, start making lists.

    Simple lists of exactly what it is you cannot discuss on your blog; lists of amounts; lists of dates; lists of places; lists of possessions; lists of fears; lists of limits--financial, emotional, practical, and outrageous. The lists can help you to shake loose what it is that you want to DO. What YOU want the future to look like. Not what it could or might look like, but what YOU want it to look like, feel like, sound like.

    For a very long time, years & years, I kept a brief quote taped to the computer where I toiled away for almost 12 years.

    The gist of the quote, by a man preparing to scale some mountain no doubt, was that one must COMMIT to a course of action BEFORE the myriad coincidences, the unexpected meetings, the hunches, the dreams, the intuitions, the perfect solutions that one cannot force to occur, but that the Universe can put before one as tiny miracles, can occur.

    I do believe that you can bring into being whatever the next phase of a satisfying life will be for you, however, I do not believe that you can do it without uttering those odious words, "ABSOLUTELY NOT.", "NO", and "I WANT...", nor without causing a scene. It often takes a crash to stop a runaway train.

    Holler if the urge strikes...

  2. Introspection is often painful. My frustration, as I reach 60 in a few weeks, is that parts of my body do not allow me to do all I would like or need to do. But I shall limp onward in the flats instead of climbing the mountains as I might.

    When I was sick last winter, I turned incredibly inward and was totally consumed by myself. As you recover, the rest of the world will come back into focus and things will become more clear.

  3. What a wonderful message to take to heart! I am currently learning a lot about living in the "now" and embracing the good that is in my live. It's a tough mindset shift but I am beginning to see the fruits of the change.

    It's good to hear that you are on the mend. Take good care of yourself!

  4. Thank you blog friends. Yesterday I stole time for a short walk by the Bay. I also ordered the rowing-exercise machine I had been talking about for a long time, funnily enough it never materialized all by itself. I also bought a scale. Little steps and achievable goals. Trying to walk the walk rather than just talk the talk. Responsibility for my own life. Damn!

  5. Relish each day and grab it with both hands!!

    I should do more of that.

    I hope you feel better soon. Take care