I'm not sure that I even need to write the rest of this post. I'm guessing that you have already filled in the blanks regarding last night's dinner conversation which included way too much information. I was happy that Charles Aznavour was just a little too loud in the background and the table just a little too wide for me to clearly hear every word divulged by the oaf opposite me who felt obliged to recount, and repeat with imaginary scalpel-wielding cutting motions for emphasis, the excruciating details of his visit to a hospital to resolve a painful boil on his ass. By the end of the story, I felt that I too had been subjected to an unpleasant experience, without benefit of anesthetic.
"But of course everyone else in the world must find that an absolutely fascinating topic," the man thinks to himself.
ReplyDeleteOh, gee, I've been there, in the very chair you sat in, I fear. Some people just have no taste, no sense of grace, and just an overwhelming sense of their own importance.
ReplyDeleteTimes like this it helps if you can wander off into your own fantasy world and simply pretend you are somewhere else. My boundless sympathy.
I can imagine it. Totally cringeworthy, what an 'ass'!
ReplyDeleteJust getting ready to comment, glanced across at 'My Blog List' and saw "A Year With Horses The Equine Digestive System 6 - Large and Small Colons, Rectum and Anus."
ReplyDeleteThat's much more witty than anything I could come up with.
I have huge bucket loads of sympathy for your dinnertime experience. I'm just trying to get my head around just to whom he was describing all this? His Mother? Who else would actually give a toss?
Also I'm seriously hoping dessert wasn't served with custard...
Merry, so you've met him before?
ReplyDeleteJean, it was not my party so I kept my mouth zipped.
Di, I was cringing!
Kitty, during the evening we had been regaled by stories illustrating just how many things he is an expert in.
Ah, nothing like a know-it-all who wants others to know-his-all as well...
ReplyDeleteI think the only time one should talk of Uranus at the dinner table is when one is either talking about astronomy, or about Claude Berri's fine film with Philippe Noiret of that title, which was filmed in Auvergne...
In any case, condolences to you for the excruciatingly painful dinner...
They obviously missed the one on his shoulders. Offer to lance it for him next time you meet
ReplyDeleteYou never disappoint. Happy Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThe only boar that should ever be permitted at a dining table should have his head on a plate and an apple in his mouth...
ReplyDeleteShit!
ReplyDeleteI would have loved that monologue, and taken notes. It's so difficult to get those dinner guests seated just so...
Reminds me of Ridicule.––you would have kicked that guy's ass right out of the drawing room if you had been Fanny Ardant.
Hilarious.
Too bad the boil-butted twit doesn't know how famous he's now become...
Owen, now I'm curious about that film. How one thing does lead to another?
ReplyDeleteLegend, that made me chuckle. Luckily, it was a farewell dinner and he was the guest of "honor".
Martin, not quite as gracious as your usual subject matter but glad you liked it.
Steve, a very creative comment, an apple would have been a way to shut him up.
ReplyDeleteMs. Pliers, I showed amazing restraint. My face is still recovering from the rigor of the deer-in-the-headlights, forced smile.
Your life is populated with characters who would be perfectly cast in a movie co-directed by W.Allen and F. Fellini.
ReplyDeleteIf the subject was 'of a certain age' it's possible he was starting to lose his behaviour filters, although some people just never seemed to be equipped with them in the first place.
I do enjoy your knack for understatement, ER. And somebody should give you a medal...
I was once introduced by my grandfather to an acquaintance of his with the words,"This is my oldest grandaughter. She can tell anyone sixteen ways from Sunday to shut up."
ReplyDeleteAlas, though a bit left-handed, his compliment remains untrue. Confronted with Mr. Boil-on-his-ass at someone elses home, I'd have done as you did and kept a lid on it until making the earliest possible departure.
I'm sorry for your distress. Happily, it was short-lived. Perhaps you'll be fortunate not to see him again. You do indeed deserve a medal as you tell a story so well.
Deborah, No, he does not have the excuse of age. He's in his forties. Imagine all the glorious years of conversation that he has ahead.
ReplyDeletee, I was the only victim. The three on my left were entertaining one another in French. My hostess, to my right, speaks English and Farsi and may have wondered at my lack of translation. She'll never know the service I did her.
Dear ER, you haven't seen Uranus ? imho opinion it is one of the finest French films ever made... I really enjoyed it anyway. Philippe Noiret, Gerard Depardieu, Michel Blanc, Jean-Pierre Marielle, Fabrice Luchini...
ReplyDeleteHe was the model of constraint ! He didn't actually show you his scar ... did he?
ReplyDeleteOwen, I'll check it out.
ReplyDeleteS&S, Darn! I never thought to ask. I'm sure he would have willingly obliged.
your post made me laugh, because my memories of Christmas as a kid are very much of people discussing painful operations over the turkey.
ReplyDeleteHave a great christmas
Just a note to wish you a jolly festive season and hope the New Year 2011 brings you what you wish for...All the best,Wiola.
ReplyDeleteHungry Pixie, I think old people have an excuse as they associate with others who share such stories and may have become focused on their health problems above all else. This guy is late thirties, early forties. He has no excuse.
ReplyDeleteWiola, Thanks for the wishes. I'm glad you got to see your family. Happy Holidays to you.
Good News that he is now gone and you won't have to tolerate such again.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you during this holiday season!
I do hope you, at least, are now sitting pretty! LOL
ReplyDeleteRainbow, sorry to return your wish so tardily. We had rainbow weather this weekend so I did think of you as I walked. Rising Rainbow is such an empowering name.
ReplyDeleteTrellissimo, Glad to bring a smile to your cheeks:)Nice to see a new face around here.